On Being Toxic

That's kind of a catchy title, and I'll get to it in a few.  What follows is probably going to be just a spewing of everything that is going on with us.  And it's not pretty.

First of all, the surest way to figure out what your flaws and weaknesses are is to invite your children to live with you, full time.  Homeschooling is so much fun and such an interesting way to learn, but it is something more.  All of my imperfections I now see reflected in my oldest child.  My worrying, my fretting over something new, my ability to take a situation apart piece by piece before it's ever experienced, she's reflecting back at me.  It's not a character trait I'm proud of.  And I didn't expect this, at all.  I didn't expect to have to deal with my SHIT, right now, before it ruins my child.

Wallowing

This was going to be a letter but is turning into a post...

Things have not been good.  I had been circling the drain a few weeks ago for several reasons.  One, first and foremost, my husband works too much.  People say they understand what it's like to have a husband who is never there, but they don't.  When he leaves before we wake up and misses dinner for five consecutive nights in a row, you really don't get it, do you?  No, you don't.  I am starting to be convinced that wives of chefs are either gluttons for punishment or were raised by single parents, so are assured that they can go it alone.  I think I fall into the latter group.  I had a wonderful role model in my mother so I know for sure I can do this alone, I just don't want to have to.

Autumn

So the last update was May I think?  A lot has happened since then!  Of course, we moved to Orlando.  We miss our Iowa peeps dearly.  I think we had gotten so used to the way life is so different there, that it is hard to get back into a Southern state of mind!  Not that Orlando is slow paced by any means, just the plain talk in Iowa was a breath of fresh air, and now we are back to the niceities of the South.  Blech!

Miles is doing phenomenal, I can't believe how well he is growing up!  Too fast if you ask me.  He'll be 23 months today.  Our eight month battle with yeast finally ended when we moved down here, perhaps because of the humidity, perhaps because our new diet was such a shock to the system, who knows?  We were in the hotel for six weeks, eating out all the time.  Anyway, he is talking in four word sentences and his fine motor skills are unbelievable, he can catch baby lizards!  Just picks them up like it's nothing.

Kicking and Screaming

Well, maybe not that dramatic.  But it felt that way.  Leaving Iowa was one of the hardest things I have ever done, even though it didn't seem real until we did it.  The date was just there, a few months away, then a few weeks, then a week, and all of a sudden we were gone.  That's kind of how my life goes, with three kids I really don't have time to prepare for anything, life just comes at me.

So when we left, we drove down to New Orleans.  Through many, many states, including Illinois this time.  When I think Illinois, I think Chicago.  I didn't know that the majority of it is farmland.  Anyway, by the time we left Iowa I was on a real high, energy kick, and driving down to the South was like being sucked into the Pit of Despair.  That is the only way I can describe it, because there is a negative energy vortex around New Orleans (note I didn't say bad or wrong, it's just negative), which is the complete opposite of places like Iowa or Sedona, Arizona, or Portland, Oregon, or places you have heard of that have very positive energy.

My, how things change

Just in the past year, things have shifted so much.  Today I took my first cold shower of the summer.  I don't remember ever feeling this hot in 89 degree, 64% humidity weather.  I also never lived where it got down to zero degrees, either.  The last truly cold shower I remember taking was at Camp when I was 12.  I guess I got used to the cold, fast.

I make fun of Eric a lot because he basically gets in his car in the garage, drives to work, parks in a garage, and works in 72 degree bliss all day long, gets back in his car in the garage, drives home, and parks in the garage.  Basically he doesn't have to deal with cold unless I haven't finished shoveling the driveway, or I need to come inside and Miles isn't ready to stop playing in the snow.

I, on the other hand, get three kids in the car, drive to school and drop off, and I prefer to walk Elle to the door, but don't always get to, so I usually get out of the car to say goodbye.  Then I drive to preschool, drop Justin off, drive to run errands, and yes grocery loading is a pain in freezing weather and so is pumping gas.  Then I pick Justin up, and so I don't use gas I park and walk to get Elle.  Then we spend time outside in the afternoon either walking in the snow, playing on the ice, or shoveling.

A Louisiana Girl's Iowa Observations

First of all, everyone here is blonde.  Everyone.  It is uncanny how many blonde haired, blue eyed adults and children live here.  Someone said they are of scandinavian descent, but I'm not sure.

Snow does not kill weeds.  I thought for sure it would.  It does not kill grass, either.  It melts and the grass is just as green as it was in Autumn, and the weeds you left in the Fall are still there.

Snow also doesn't melt like I thought it would, into rivers of water.  It melts slowly, from the top of the pile, like your snowball does.  It also retreats from the edge of the curb like the waves at the beach.  Curb to sidewalk.  For some reason I didn't think it would go that way.

Avatar's Pain

I have been thinking about writing this since the Super Bowl, but it wasn't until I saw the movie Avatar that it was clear why.  If you haven't seen it, it is about people who transform themselves into another life form, and live on a distant planet much like Earth, to learn about the native's culture, so that they can excavate their energy source and bring it back to Earth.  The main character goes through a process of becoming more and more like the natives, and eventually decides to stay.

But that is not the pain part I am talking about, the pain of learning a new language, and culture, and way of life.  I'm talking about the pain of seeing your hometown on TV when your reality is something completely different.