What Homeschooling has taught me

Wow that's a heady title, isn't it?  I am at a point in my life where I can see pros and cons of the homeschooling lifestyle, and they are widely disparate and that makes me uncomfortable, because it really is a lifestyle change, much like breastfeeding or not vaccinating or going on a different diet was.

Pros-

Lots and lots of time spent with your child(ren).  This can also be a con.  What homeschooling affords you is time to get to know your children as people, not things.  People who have their own styles of learning, relating to others, writing, reading, drawing, dancing, talking, adding, subtracting, building, crafting, the list goes on.  When my kids were in school I felt more that they were things to be moved from here to there, school, soccer practice, dance class, playdates, parties, you get the idea.  Perhaps it is also because they become their own individual selves, instead of a toddler or baby who absorbs your emotions and reflects them back at you.  Your kids also get to know you.  Your story before you had kids, stories about growing up, the pets you had as a kid, little things they get to know about you because they spend so much time with you and are curious.


Learning about yourself.  First, before you can teach your child to their own unique learning style, you have to figure out what yours is and figure out where your styles mesh and where they clash.  This was a huge eye-opener for me, learning that I wasn't really the producing learner who loves workbooks (although workbooks provide instant evaluation and gratification that you are teaching!).  Under that student who graduated second in her class and accumulated As like they were candy, is a person who loves learning through relating to others (that means talking in class and group learning, which I hated in school), thinking and creating, and just exploring the profound questions of life that have no answers.  I had no idea I wasn't a producing learner until I started homeschooling.

You get to teach what you want.  If you want to teach your kids Spanish on Monday and learn about Ben Franklin and the constitution on Tuesday, you can.  If you want to give them a break to play, you can.  If you want to go outside and do nature studies and see what kind of bugs and butterflies you can catch, you can.  This year we learned so much about the Asian cultures, their calendar, their seasons, their beliefs, religions, architecture, customs... it was fascinating.  If you want to save slavery and war for later history lessons, you can.  If you want to go on vacation in the middle of school, you can, and you can make it educational.  If you want to go anywhere in the middle of the week when your husband is off, you can.  You can also advance a grade level, or two, in the subjects your child loves.

Learning to live peacefully as a family unit.  Being with your children all day, every day means that you have to kick your discipline skills up a notch.  You also have to practice what you preach.  If you don't, your kids simply won't listen to you when you are trying to teach them math, or any other subject.  And if you don't listen to them and come down hard on them with an iron fist, they will return the favor.  Basically, you have to walk the walk.  That is the hardest thing I have found about it, doing what I said I was going to do.  It is hard for a kid to take you seriously if you don't deliver.

Cons-

Difficult subjects.  Subjects your child is not naturally good at, and you aren't good at teaching yet.  I'm not good at teaching math because I am a print learner and it makes so, so much more sense to me to just go with Saxon math, where it's all problems on a black and white page.  Teaching manipulative, tactile math is hard for me.  I don't like it, at all.  I hate it, in fact.  Hiring a tutor is not feasible, so we had to trudge through it, and since we started in March because the first math curriculum didn't work AT ALL, we didn't finish.

Being behind.  See above.  Your child will naturally excel at subjects she is good at and fall behind in subjects she struggles with.  This isn't a problem if you have committed yourself to homeschooling until high school.  It is a problem however if you plan to homeschool for a short time and then put your kids back in school.  Usually the reason for putting them back in school is financial.  And who wants to be called a homeschool failure?  Most of the contact that school teachers have with homeschoolers are with the kids that had to go back to school.  And many times, the kids that go back to school are a grade level or two behind in one subject.  They also may be a grade level or two ahead in some subjects, which sets them up for boredom and "disruption" in the classroom.

Opting out of the work force.  Yes, there are women who homeschool and work from home.  I am not one of them.  I worked "from home" for WIC for 5 months when the kids were three and 15 months.  It did NOT work.  They watched too much TV and I had to check out more than I wanted to in order to get things done.  I could have had child care but my salary didn't justify it.  I am frustrated because I have come to a point where I am not using my nursing degree and after seven years out of the hospital setting, my skills are no longer valid.  When you add that we are a one income family and my husband would be shouldering the task of working for the foreseeable future, you can see why this lifestyle choice can cause marital strife.  It is also hard to leave your career behind because you had kids and decided not to put them in school.

No alone time.  I have no time to think.  I am constantly bombarded with input.  The only time I have to think is after everyone is in bed.  I need my alone time during the day like I need air and water.  Sure, there are classes they can take.  However finding child care during the day for a school age child is daunting.  And with my husband's erratic, ever-changing schedule, that means putting off important appointments until he is on vacation.  Going to the dentist is a luxury.  And thinking is the number one thing you have to do in order to plan what and how you are going to teach!

So those are the issues I am weighing.  The plan this year is to homeschool Justin and send Miles to preschool, and Elle to a charter montessori school.  We will see how it goes.  It may work beautifully, or it may fall apart.  Elle is a relational learner, she needs to talk things out, and I am hoping the montessori model works for her.  If it doesn't we'll re-evaluate.  Wish me luck!