Saturday, January 9, 2010

Ten Years

Hello all!

So I skipped Nov and Dec. It has been busy, to say the least. I'm going to try to get up to speed but I am really not sure what I missed. I realized the other day that I have been writing this log for ten years now, and I think it's time to put it all in one place, I just can't decide how to go about doing that. I thought about separating out Justin's story but I think that would just be more work... I have all of the emails compiled into a binder but now I can't find any of my email files older than my cox.net account (which is like four years worth). So if anyone has by chance saved those old old emails could you send them to me? I don't mind rewriting them, that is just a pain.

I have a few blogs started, but none of which I want to keep doing. I think I am going to go over to WordPress and see if that is any better. Suggestions are welcome. I quit doing my M2M blog when Rob (Susan's husband) offered to set up a website for my business, and we migrated it over to m2mbfs.com. Unfortunately or not I haven't had the time to even fool with it so it is still under construction. I have nothing but time on my hands, though, so I think it's time to get the story out there and give myself an outlet to write- because it is my stress reliever and helps me cope with this crazy life with three kids!

Miles is doing *great*. He is running, and falling down a lot, but doing very well. He is trying to talk, which is so cute. He has said "hi", "yeah", "NO", and "daddy", and "mama" when he is mad. He is a very intense baby who is determined to do what he wants to do, but not very difficult when limits are imposed (unlike his older brother)! He climbs up the stairs and down a few, climbs off the sofa, likes to stand on top of the little desk Elle has, and loves to walk around outside in the snow. Not necessarily walk in deep snow, but along the sidewalk where it has been shoveled, so he can play with the snow on the sides.

It is cold here. But not very humid. So the dry is a nice change. Not as miserable, but I do have to say that 15 is much more pleasant than 0 degrees outside. But if we survived 115 degree heat in the desert there is no reason why we can't survive this. Someone said that blizzards are much nicer than hurricanes b/c you just ride it out in your house and then it's over once the snowplow comes through. I have to disagree, it is lonely being stuck in a house and much more fun to evacuate and go see friends. Never thought I would say that!

I keep asking Elle and Justin if they want to move to the South where it is warm and she can wear her dresses more than three months out of the year and they consistently say no, they like the snow. I really like the snow too (secretly- if you are an adult here you are supposed to complain). God made it pretty for a reason, otherwise no one would put up with it. The glittery ice is so beautiful and a blanket of new, fresh snow when it falls is just amazing to see. It is very cozy inside too- which must be why the houses are so big up here- they need more room in the winter if they are going to stay inside the whole time!

I got "hired" by the popular midwife in the area to do one of her support groups three times a year. The woman that was doing it is going to midwifery school and doesn't have time for her monthly meeting anymore. So Cosette wanted to bring in people from the community to do the group, and that is what I have been doing. Which is good since LLL is imploding at the executive level, two of the founders resigned from the Board of Directors. There is so much drama in Chicago it isn't even funny. I don't honestly know what is going to happen to the organization but it is not going to be good.

Honestly I can't remember what we have been doing... in Nov we had Miles' birthday and the weather was so nice, 55 in November and beautiful. Dec. 6 was the first snowfall and the kids loved it. Then we had that crazy blizzard with 35 inches of snow outside the house. Sometime in Dec. I met with Elle's teacher, the principal, the nurse, the dietician, and the school secretary to straighten out the stuff with her lunch, so that got resolved. The teacher was actually nice this time...

Grumpy and Helen were here for Christmas and New Years and that was nice. We took the kids to church which was fine, Justin is used to it, but Elle has gotten out of the habit since she goes to public school now- no more preschool Chapel. Which is something that is lacking from the school but I don't know if I want to expose her to Catholic dogma just yet. I still feel that the Church needs to allow priests to marry and give women a larger role in the hierarchy, but I'll probably be dead before that happens. So she was loud, and restless during Christmas Eve mass. But I don't blame her.

That brings up a question I should have asked a long time ago: how do you decide public versus private school? What do you see are benefits of both? How do you instill prayer and grace, and all that goes with it, when your kid goes to a secular school? Elle gets quite a few good character and good citizen cards every month, so they recognize that, but I think something is missing and I don't know what. I could really do without some of the stuff she learns and I have to explain when she gets home (like the fact that boobs on girls are "hot"- she had no idea what that meant and I don't know where she heard it).

Other than that moving has been a mixed blessing. It is nice to start over, but this community is very closed off. We have been to one- yes ONE birthday party since we have been here. People here have so many kids that they just invite family. So we spend a lot of time with each other and our neighbors, and that's about it, our playgroup is nice but you know what happens when women get together- drama!

The thing about moving is that you can be whoever you want to be. No one knows you or your history. Moving has made me re-examine my life and look at who I am, and frankly I have discovered a lot of things that I don't like about myself. Part of that is being almost 35, but part of it is being away from home. The nice thing is that when you start over, you can change whatever you want to change. That is a true blessing at this point in my life, otherwise I would have just continued to do what I have always done, and the old ways of coping and being would never have gone away. I think I am happier now than I have been in a long time, but I am different, and I don't know how to relate to the old me or even be her anymore. So when I see people who know the old me and expect me to act like her, I am kind of stuck. I haven't figured that part out yet. It is really kind of awkward but I guess that is part of growing up.

Maybe part of it is motherhood and trying to set an example for your kids no matter if it makes you unpopular or different. My friends posted some pics of us at TCU on Facebook and I was looking at them thinking, I don't even know who that is- that was 17 years ago. Your life changes so so much when you have kids, and there is no going back, ever. Maybe I am just settling into parenthood, five years after my precious little girl was born.

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