Let's Face It

Working is hard on a mom. But what I didn't expect was that now that I am working, I don't get as much flak from my in-laws about asking for help with the kids. It was like when I was staying at home, the assumption was that I was "running the day care", and they shouldn't have to help unless I had a dental appointment or the like. Of course most of this came from my FIL, my MIL loves to take the kids any time.

It is really strange the way our society views staying at home. It's almost as if we say to moms, you are at home, so you don't deserve any time off from your kids. That's your job. There is even this whole gaggle of SAHMs on the internet who think that if you put your child in preschool or mother's day out, you are farming your child out to someone else and you should feel guilty about taking time out for yourself. Many of them call it "glorified day care". Well whatever. Every mom needs a break now and then. I know I did.

So back to this SAHM VS WAHM VS WOHM. I think in some ways working moms who go to a job have the most help, in our society. They have the support from family or other caregivers who help raise their child(ren). This goes back to the whole village raising a child concept. No woman is an island and shouldn't be expected to raise kids on her own. How much easier things would be if you had your mom or MIL next door to just take the baby when things got hairy or you just needed a colic break!

But that is the expectation now, that a SAHM needs to just suck it up and raise the kids all by herself. If she has help from her family, great. But many times I was afraid to ask for help b/c I kept getting the subtle message that I didn't deserve time off if this was my job now...

So anyway, working at home can be difficult too, because you do have deadlines, like payday was this Tuesday and I had to get everyone's time sheets in on time and make sure they were correct. This is at the same time that Justin is trying to destroy the office while I work.

The thing that just baffles me is this: I had two jobs before this one, or actually three. Raising two kids, La Leche League, and my Doula business. But none of those mattered to my FIL b/c none brought in a regular paycheck. But now that I have a job that brings in money, he is all for watching the kids any time I need them to. I get no more flak for asking for help. No more, well, you should bring Elle when Paige is here because we already are watching a kid.

It is so strange and a sad commentary on the way our society completely devalues mothering...